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Writer's Block: Lesson learned

May. 19th, 2010 | 09:56 pm

The transition from youth to adulthood can be smooth or incredibly difficult. What is the most important lesson you learned since middle school, and how has it guided you?

Happiness is choice. Trust your intuition.

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(no subject)

Mar. 11th, 2010 | 07:30 pm

So I haven't written here in years, but I was just perusing my archives (as a procrastination technique), and I was really struck by something I wrote in early 2006 (q from a meme):

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:
Ain't nobody but you can take care of you. And what's more, you usually know what is best for you.

Over 4 years later, all I can say is that this seems to by "my thing." The thing that I was put here to really learn (apparently through trial and error).

The implosion of my three year, live together supposedly "on the path to marriage" (if that isn't a half-assed way to not propose, I don't know what is) has taught me so much. My ex isn't a bad guy. I don't hate him. We can't be friends, but I don't harbor strong feelings of dislike for him. I do still have intense feelings of anger towards him, but the more present I am to these feelings, the more I see how its really anger at myself. I'm angry that I didn't trust myself, that I waited so long to listen to my gut, that I settled for something that wasn't right, that I cashed in my principles in exchange for a relationship that included lots of hedonism with an attractive, successful man-boy, but lacked authenticity, depth, and intimacy.

I'm a fairly intense person, and I can be a little all-or-nothing at times. Feeling as though I'd bargained away the things that were really important just to be with someone who wanted to marry me at some very undefined point in the future really shook me up. I suppose at some point, I recognized my black and white, all or nothing approach to life and decided to live in the grey. Part of that was being forgiving of my ex-boyfriend and letting go of the script of how I thought relationships were supposed to progress. At some point, and I know exactly when, I threw the baby out with the bathwater, and let go of some of my most deeply held values, too.

A relationship that requires one to do that just isn't right. It certainly taught me how to cultivate patience (because at a certain point I more or less completely resented and had no respect for my boyfriend, yet remained with him). I believe that patience is a good thing. But if I'm honest with myself, I didn't do right by myself or by him. He needed me to be myself and completely and walk away when the situation warranted it. Staying with him (no matter how hard he pursued me) was being my weaker self. On some level I knew all this at the time it was going on, and even talked to him about it. Talking to him about my fears about the path we were on was a half-measure in a moment that demanded I be my strongest, best self. The fact that I failed at that really pisses me off. And I didn't just choose poorly, deep down, I knew better. I went against my gut.

Of course, having been through all this, I'm a much better person. I'm happier and I feel more at home with where I am and what I'm doing than I have in at least 5 years. Its an adventure, and a learning experience. Thank God for all of it!

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(no subject)

Dec. 15th, 2008 | 10:51 am

Does anyone know how to delete an LJ account, but keep the entries somewhere for posterity sake? Or is that impossible? I've decided that I'm spending too much time on LJ, Facebook, etc, and would like to spend more time on IRL interaction. I thought if I gave up my account, I'd be less likely to get sucked into LJ and the 'friends-locked' posts that skew towards high drama. I still want to keep up with friends spread far and wide, but I don't want to log into LJ everyday.


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(no subject)

Jun. 12th, 2008 | 12:44 pm

My new home:


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(no subject)

May. 29th, 2008 | 08:50 am

This is mildly interesting, though certainly not news...


"That crooked nose. That untamed hair. The enormous appetite. The hottest girl in the room isn’t who you think. Why pretty isn’t (always) sexy."

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Stephanie Klein

May. 22nd, 2008 | 10:46 am

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(no subject)

May. 19th, 2008 | 04:22 pm

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Life lessons

May. 15th, 2008 | 04:31 pm

I feel scatter brained and sick to my stomach. Life lessons. I've said it a million times, you don't learn anything without failing or making mistakes. Let's just say that I've learned a lot in the past year or two.

Saturday I'm going to try to sell all my possessions in anticipation of my move to Boston for summer study in urban planning. I've been in such a state of fear about the whole thing. What if I can't get rid of my stuff? What do I do with my car? How am I going to pay for the summer program? What do I do when its over, since my job didn't grant me a leave?

I can't worry about these things, it doesn't help. I'm going to get a massage after work.

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Its been awhile....

May. 9th, 2008 | 01:13 pm

So, I haven't posted in, oh, a good 4 months. What's been going on?

- I applied to Harvard GSD's Career Discovery Program. My chosen area of emphasis is urban planning, though architecture would be really fun too.

- Still in Los Angeles, still with same boyfriend.

- Initiated a practice called "Wacki Wednesdays" wherein every Wednesday after work, I do something I've never done before. Past adventures have included taking a boxing class, going to a comedy show at Acme theatre, and walking the 4.6 miles home from work, instead of driving.

- Considered taking stand up comedy classes. If I had more $$ and a clearer sense of where I'm going to be living after Harvard, I wouldn't think twice.

- Loved and hated LA all over again.

- Saw Iron Man.

- Took a trip up to Berkeley with boyfriend. Loved it. Realized I'm not a big city person. By big city, I mean only LA and NY. I'm sure Boston or Seattle would be fun.

- Felt old. I'm 26, so this doesn't bode well.

- Felt both happier and more focused than I have in months, while also feeling really sad at times.

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(no subject)

Jan. 4th, 2008 | 08:35 am

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?

Visit Arizona. Took a truly spontaneous roadtrip to Vegas on a Wednesday.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't think I kept my resolutions. I'll have to look back at them.

3. Did someone close to you give birth?
My cousin had a baby in February.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully, no.

5. What countries did you visit?
I didn't leave the country.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
A fun job and a deeper sense of purpose.

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
October 20- My best friend's wedding.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Taking a drawing class.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Wasting too much time and energy worrying.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Food poisoned from mussels, and a yet to be resolved dental issue.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

My Ikea bed and new bedding, and drawing supplies.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?


13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

President Bush and Dick Cheney.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Travel, food, rent.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Christina's wedding.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?

Rihanna, "Umbrella;" Soulja Boy, "Superman"

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? About the same. Slightly more cynical.
ii. thinner or fatter? About the same, I think.
iii. richer or poorer? About the same, I think.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Yoga. Cooking.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Spent it on a shuttle bus, then with my fam in Peoria.

22. Did you fall in love in 2007?

Back in love, yes.

23. Any one-night stands?


24. What was your favorite TV program?
Didn't have one.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Not really.

26. What was the best book you read?

Middlesex by Jeffry Euginides.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

28. What did you want and get?

Quality time with old friends. A more interesting social life.

29. What did you want and not get?

A truly healthier lifestyle that includes regular yoga, meditation, and home cooked meals.

30. Favorite film of this year?
Michael Clayton

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I spent my 26th birthday (September 25) flying back to LA from Peoria, IL. Rob took me to Luna Park, where I had a burger and a couple fruity martinis.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

A deeper sense of purpose and a more fulfilling job.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?

Tank tops and jeans, mostly, with some uncomfortable polyester stuff for the office.

34. What kept you sane?
The occasional run through Hancock Park. My move to a better neighborhood.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most

Dave Grohl

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Many issues seriously depressed and angered me. I'm not sure if the crisis in Darfur is a political issue or simply a moral one, but it was a big one. The war in Iraq.

37. Who do you miss?

Christina, Dan, my family, and friends flung across the globe.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

Christina V. of LA.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007:

Stop with the worrying already.

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